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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others see that having friendly relations is better. What do you think? Discuss both points and give us your opinion.

These days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters are looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 friendly
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 in school, so they can ask for help without being scared. Some people argue that if
students
Use synonyms
 are not afraid they will be not
disiplin
Correct your spelling
disciplined
. I completely disagree with the
satement
Correct your spelling
statement
 and in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will present both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 with examples and give my opinion.
Firstly
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, having a friendly relationship with school
teachers
Use synonyms
 can create a comfortable environment for
students
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 where they feel free to ask questions without being scared.
For example
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, one of my friend’s
teachers
Use synonyms
 was very open with her classmates. He even told them that if anyone needed help or advice, they could visit him to find answers. Because of
this
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, my friend was able to ask for help with her math exam and learn how to improve.
On the other hand
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, I will now explain why I disagree with strict teaching methods. Strict behaviour towards
students
Use synonyms
 can cause anxiety and make them doubt themselves.
For instance
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, when I was a child, I was an average student. Every time I made a mistake, my teacher would criticize me and call me dumb, saying I could never succeed in my education. Because of
this
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 behaviour, I was afraid to ask questions and would sit silently in the corner. I often wondered why they treated me that way, and I used to cry frequently. In conclusion, based on my experience, I believe
teachers
Use synonyms
 should maintain a friendly attitude. Most
students
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 spend half of their day with
teachers
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, and if
teachers
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 act rudely, it can traumatize the
students
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.
Moreover
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,
students
Use synonyms
 may never ask questions or express how they feel.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 should focus not only on academics but
also
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 on mental health. One-on-one conversations can help them understand if something is bothering a student.

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Language
Ensure proper spelling in your essay. For example, 'environment' and 'discipline' are misspelled. Using correct vocabulary will improve the clarity of your ideas.
Content
While your personal experience is valuable, try to include a wider range of examples or perspectives to strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Structure
Make sure to clearly separate and label the different points in your essay structure. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can enhance coherence.
Example
You provided a clear personal experience that enriched your essay and made your points more relatable.
Structure
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • engagement
  • communication
  • hostile environment
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • emotional well-being
  • positive experience
  • authority
  • empathy
  • approachability
  • learning environment
  • respect
  • comfort
  • concern
What to do next:
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