IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that university
students
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 can
study
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 anything they want,
while
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 others think that they should
study
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 only one
subject
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that is
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 going to be useful in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run, like science and technology. Both of them have their own valid reasons and
this
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 essay will discuss them, before presenting my opinion.
To begin
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 with,
students
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 always want to
work
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 in a place that they want. Nowadays every parent says that their children have to
work
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 in
exact
Add an article
an exact
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job
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 which may not be good for
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in the
future
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to
work
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 in a different
job
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 and
due to
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 problems
students
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 are able to choose their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 for their
future
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 by themselves.
For example
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, there was an experiment in Azerbaijan from BDU by psychologists
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
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in
Change preposition
apply
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there in 2016, where they were asking their
students
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 about their studies for
future
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Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and most of them said that they
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 their
subject
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 for a
job
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 they always wanted to be.
On the other hand
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, there are
students
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 who want to
study
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 a
subject
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that is
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 going to be better in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run. Citizens believe that in the
future
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 jobs like science and technology are going to be only good jobs and they think that
students
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 have to
study
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 only for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
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, there was an interview in Azerbaijan from ATV in 2018, where a group of parents were asked some questions about
future
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Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for their children who were studying in universities back
then
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 and most of them answered that in the
future
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 they want to see their children as scientist or programmer. In conclusion,
students
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 have all
Correct article usage
the rights
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to
study
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 anything they want,
while
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 others can
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
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 their parents and become
a
Correct article usage
the
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 that they see, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 choosing a
subject
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 for a
job
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 that person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to
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work
Verb problem
do
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 is the best idea
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
this
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 person wanted to see himself like
this
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 in the
future
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but the arguments could be better organized to enhance clarity. Consider separating each view into its own paragraph and clearly stating your opinion in a dedicated final paragraph.
task achievement
Some examples provided lack depth and could be more comprehensive. Try to elaborate on examples or include more relevant references to support your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments or alternative views in a more balanced way. This shows a greater understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which fulfills the task requirements and shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what will be discussed, helping to set up the reader for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
What to do next:
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