IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

In
today
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today's
show examples
 rapidly changing world, the approach to secondary education
various
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varies
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 across countries. Some systems offer a broad curriculum covering many
Use synonyms
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
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,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others allow
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to specialize in a few
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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relate
Wrong verb form
related
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 to specific careers. In my
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I believe both
approach
Change to a plural noun
approaches
show examples
 have their advantages, and the most appropriate choice depends on each
student
Use synonyms
’s individual situation. On the one hand, most of the secondary students may not have a clear interest or career path. If they are
compeled
Correct your spelling
compelled
compiled
 to choose a
subject
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 to specialize
, it
Change preposition
in, it
show examples
 may feel like pressure.
As a result
Linking Words
, providing them with general curriculums that cover
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 allow them
explore
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to explore
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 different
area
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areas
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 and discover what they are really passionate about.
For example
Linking Words
,
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 may not realize that they
are interest
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are interested
show examples
 in science or art until they are exposed to them in school. A broader curriculum gives
student
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 opportunities to explore different
filed
Correct your spelling
fields
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 before they making
a important decisions
Correct the article-noun agreement
important decisions
an important decision
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 for their future
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if school pupils are already
awares
Correct your spelling
aware
 of their strengths, it can be beneficial for them to focus on
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
. If they are required to study those compulsory
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 that they are not fascinated by, they may lose motivation and become disengaged which is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time. Allowing
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to choose what they want to study can help them build professional skills and gain deeper knowledge in specific
fileds
Correct your spelling
fields
.
For example
Linking Words
, if students
is
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are
show examples
 good at taking care of
other
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others
show examples
, they can choose to major in nursing. In conclusion, In my opinion, both systems can be appropriate depending on the
student
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.
School
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Schools
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 should provide flexible pathways for
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 general education helps them discover clear interests, a specialized approach can
benefits
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benefit
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 those with clear career
plan
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plans
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. The best system is one that
consider
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considers
show examples
 the individual needs.

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language
Make sure to check your spelling and use of plurals. For example, 'school pupils' should be 'pupils' or 'students'.
coherence
Use connecting words to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, use 'for instance' instead of 'for example' for variety.
task accomplishment
Add more specific examples to support your points, as this will make your arguments stronger.
task accomplishment
You express a clear opinion about the topic.
coherence
You include arguments for both sides, which shows a balanced view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • subjects
  • students
  • careers
  • skills
  • interests
  • knowledge
  • preparation
  • market
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • change
  • adapt
  • passions
  • narrow range
  • general education
  • field
  • help
  • develop
  • connect
What to do next:
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