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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show information about percentage of men and women aged 60-90 who were employed in four countries in 1970-2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show information about percentage of men and women aged 60-90 who were employed in four countries in 1970-2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts provide data regarding
percentage
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the percentage
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 of people
at
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between
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 the
age
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ages
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 of 60 to 64 who worked in four countries between 1970 and 2000, broken down by gender.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest proportion of men were employed in the
USA
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 and
Indonesia
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 throughout the
period
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. The highest levels of employment among women in 1970 were in the
USA
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 and
Indonesia
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 by the end of the
period
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, the percentages were highest in
Indonesian
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Indonesia
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 and Japan. Focusing first on the countries with the highest levels of employment, in 1970, approximately 85% of males worked in the
USA
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 and
Indonesia
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 by 2000, the figures had dropped significantly to 80% and 70%,
respectivelly
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respectively
. As for females, in the initial year, roughly 80, and 65 per cent of them were employed in America and
Indonesia
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,
while
Linking Words
 by the end of the
period
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, the highest percentages were in
Indonesia
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 and Japan, with around 1 in 2 working women. Notably, the proportion for the
USA
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 had almost halved by 2000. As for Belgium, in 1970, the percentage of employed men there was 80%, which had dropped dramatically by 50% of men by 2000. Regarding women, nearly 60% of them were employed at the beginning,
whereas
Linking Words
 by the end of the
period
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, the figure decreased drastically to fewer than 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, indonesia, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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