IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves, their families and society, so working hours should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, it is been seen that
work
Use synonyms
 hours
has been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 increased as compared to the past which
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
result is
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the person, their relations and surroundings.
Hence
Linking Words
, there should be a particular
work
Use synonyms
 time period. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
to incline
Change the verb form
inclined
show examples
 towards
this
Linking Words
 statement as
this
Linking Words
 is actually harming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and there should be
a limited
Correct the article-noun agreement
limited work hours
a limited work hour
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 hours. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is a crucial part of a person's
life
Use synonyms
 but it should be balanced with other main aspects. A balanced
life
Use synonyms
 is known as
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 which means that all the important things
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your
life
Use synonyms
 must get the deserving time.
This
Linking Words
 includes one's hobbies, their loving ones and their social
life
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the plethora of
work
Use synonyms
 could banal the
life
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are more chances for the workers to be exhausted and most importantly less productive in their
work
Use synonyms
. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 "Fresh minds
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 more effectively". Adding on to
this
Linking Words
, putting most of the potential in
work
Use synonyms
 can lead to
disrupt
Replace the word
disruption of
show examples
 the worker's personal
life
Use synonyms
 as they are unable to be with their people when needed which again will cause stress and
hence
Linking Words
 reduced productivity.
For instance
Linking Words
, in one
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
server
, it was concluded that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the divorce cases were
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
availaibilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of their partner.
To sum up
Linking Words
, working excessively would cause stress and imbalance
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
 which leads to health problems, bad relationships and
exhausted
Correct article usage
an exhausted
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 balance is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 and the
work
Use synonyms
 period should be limited to have a contented
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, but it would benefit from a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to use clear topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance your logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Check for spelling mistakes, such as 'beleive' which should be 'believe', and 'deterimental' which should be 'detrimental'. These can distract the reader.
task achievement
You express a strong opinion on the topic, which is important for the task.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the survey about divorce, which supports your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: