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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart provided the proportion of adults who studied
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 or
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in three periods of
time
Use synonyms
, the genders were men and women and measured in thousands, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
, the two genders took part-
time
Use synonyms
 study more than full-
time
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the number of men
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
further
Linking Words
 education larger than women.
However
Linking Words
, there were significant changes
in particular
Linking Words
 years between the two kinds of education. In terms of
gentleman
Fix the agreement mistake
gentlemen
show examples
, the amount of men who studied
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 hit one million in 1970/71,
then
Linking Words
 slightly
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to 800
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the following
period
Use synonyms
, after that, it went up and stopped at around 850
thousand
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 schooling gradually increased from nearly 100,
then
Linking Words
 150 and hit the top at 200
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the
period
Use synonyms
 of 1990/91.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the rate of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who took either
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 or
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 education gradually went up in all three periods of
time
Use synonyms
. There were about 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 women who studied full
time
Use synonyms
 in 1970/71,
then
Linking Words
 the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
remarkably in the next
period
Use synonyms
 to nearly 200
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
, the figure was the same as with the number of guys who studied full
time
Use synonyms
. From 1970/71 to 1980/81, the difference was virtually
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. The remarkable increase was in 1990/91 when the total rocketed hit from 800 to 1150, as the era changed more and more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were allowed to study.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, thousand, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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