IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter * explain why you would like the job * give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ * say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australta You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam

Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Sarah Doe, and I am writing to apply for the position of
Babysiter
Correct your spelling
Babysitter
 for your
six year old
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six-year-old
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 child, as advertised in the local newspaper. Please find my resume attached for your review. I
Add a missing verb
am particulary
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particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 interested in
this
Linking Words
 position because I have recently moved to Australia and I
an
Correct your spelling
am
show examples
 in need
for
Change preposition
of
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 accommodation and income to support myself.
Finally
Linking Words
, Living with an Australian family would
assisting
Wrong verb form
assist
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 me to
intergrat
Correct your spelling
integrate
 with Australia's culture and lifestyle. I believe I am a suitable candidate for the position as I possess
Correct article usage
a bachlor's
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bachlor's
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
 in Early Childhood Education
due to
Linking Words
 which I have
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
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, skills, and abilities to do my job proficiently.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I am fond of children and I am very capable
in
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of
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 taking care of kids. I am confident in my ability to quickly learn new skills, adapt to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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changing priorities, and work efficiently.
Furthermore
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, during my leisure
time
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time,
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 I can help with menial tasks
such
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 as mowing the lawn, watering plants, and dusting. I am eager to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
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bring my energy and dedication to improve your quality of life. I look forward to discussing my qualifications
further
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 in an interview. Yours Sincerely, Sarah Doe

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task achievement
Make sure to check grammar and spelling errors to improve understanding and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer paragraph structure, with one main idea per paragraph.
task achievement
Your closing is polite, but you could add a thank you for their consideration.
positive
Your enthusiasm for working with children is clear.
positive
You included your education in Early Childhood Education, which is great.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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