IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual’s responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion?

These days, there is an opinion that governments are obliged to
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
 funding
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system, but some people argue that a person should take some
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves as well.
This
Linking Words
 essay will consider the merits of both viewpoints.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every human being has
basic
Add an article
the basic
a basic
show examples
 right
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 free health
care
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 to a certain level with
government
Use synonyms
 funding.
This
Linking Words
 will benefit governments by generating
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 and
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 workforce, which in turn contributes to economic growth and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 long-term costs for the
government
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
: scholarship programs in schools and universities
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
involvement
Add an article
the involvement
show examples
 of students towards sports and create well prepared
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
 which
furthermore
Linking Words
 need little direction
instead
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending a whole need project to create a
sportsman related
Add a hyphen
sportsman-related
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 program
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 level. On the other side, each individual should not be entirely dependent on
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 for health
care
Use synonyms
 and educational opportunities. Relying solely on authorities will increase
potential
Add an article
the potential
show examples
 burden on
taypayers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
 and will increase
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of personal responsibility towards themselves.
For example
Linking Words
: implementing healthier habits like
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 diet and regular workout
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 will lead towards personal growth and self-reliance. In my opinion, there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a hybrid system which should provide basic
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 and
education
Use synonyms
 to everyone but for advanced healthcare and higher
education
Use synonyms
 population should be responsible.
Although
Linking Words
, elderly people must be taken
care
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 and more investments need to be made
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
 side.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and focus.
task achievement
You should provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and vocabulary for mistakes. Simple corrections can improve your score.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your intention to discuss both viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health care
  • education
  • government funding
  • basic human right
  • equity
  • accessibility
  • underprivileged
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • personal accountability
  • self-reliance
  • resource allocation
  • inefficiencies
  • taxpayers
  • safety nets
  • hybrid model
  • personal responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: