IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the upcoming years, all jobs are expected to offer equal opportunities regardless of
gender
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. Some individuals believe that
women
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 should not be given opportunities in physically demanding roles. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both arguments and share my opinion. Some people argue that traditional
gender
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 roles were invented by men, who believed that
women
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are
Wrong verb form
were
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 better suited for staying at home and taking care of children. They often claim that
women
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 lack the physical and emotional strength required for challenging jobs
such
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 as working in the military or police force.
According to
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this
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 view, men are biologically more capable of handling physically and mentally demanding tasks.
On the other hand
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, many countries have adopted
gender
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 equality laws that promote equal rights in the workplace. Governments in large and progressive nations have unconditionally accepted
gender
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 equality, which has encouraged smaller countries to follow suit. These changes reflect the evolving global perspective that both men and
women
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 are capable of performing any job when given equal support, training, and opportunity. In my opinion, job roles should not be limited based on
gender
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. With proper training and dedication,
women
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 can succeed in any field, including those that are traditionally considered male-dominated. Society must continue to challenge outdated stereotypes and create an environment where everyone has the freedom to pursue their desired career path.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to clarify your ideas more clearly by using linking words (like 'firstly', 'in addition', 'however'). This will help your reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your intention to explore both sides and provide your opinion, which is great.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument before sharing your opinion, showing good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • stereotypes
  • diversity
  • physical prowess
  • discrimination
  • negotiation skills
  • gender roles
  • morale
  • integrated forces
  • equal opportunities
  • unit cohesion
  • combat effectiveness
  • bias
  • harassment
  • meritocracy
  • transformative
  • empowerment
What to do next:
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