IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extreamly high salaries.Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that Governments should not allow salaries above a criteria level. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In
countries
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 like South Africa or the
USA
Add a comma
USA,
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 a small number of
people
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 earn extremely high
slalaries
Correct your spelling
salaries
. Many believe that
this
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 is good for the country, whilst others argue that governments should regulate salaries above a certain criteria level. In
this
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 essay, I want to illustrate both opinions and why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe governmental interference can be dangerous. In many
countries
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, one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the population
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
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 99% of all the
aviable
Correct your spelling
available
money
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.
This
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 contrast is not only shown in poor
countries
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 like South Africa or India, but
also
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 in wealthy
Sates
Correct your spelling
States
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 like the USA or China.
TMostly
Correct your spelling
Most
,
this
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 high earners
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 able to let their
money
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 work for them and accumulate even more.
This
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 motivates
people
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 to make new products, invest
into
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in
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 the
market
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 and
also
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 buy new produce.
As a result
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, the economy gets boosted and is able to grow, which stabilizes a
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countries
Change noun form
country's
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 income and improves
overall
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 lifestyle.
Therefore
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, the thought that a small number of
people
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 that earn
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 is
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for a country, makes a lot of sense, as those
people
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 can manage the
market
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 and make improvements that
otherwise
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 wouldn´t be possible.
On the other hand
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, distributing
money
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 only between a few individuals can have the consequence that the majority is not able to have any influence on the
market
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 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to live with the decisions of the minority. If governments would set a salary limit,
money
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 would be distributed more evenly and many high earners would stop raising prices out of greed.
However
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,
this
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 would
also
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 demotivate many
people
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 to work above a certain threshold, which in return weakens the economy and technological advancement.
In addition
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 to
this
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, most
people
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 would
spent
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spend
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 their
money
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 rather than invest it or
safe
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save
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 it
on
Change preposition
in
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 a bank account for bigger purchases. Both
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 bad for a thriving community. In conclusion,
while
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 many
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 think it is fair that a small
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
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 earn very high salaries, it is mandatory for a
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
country's
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 future and motivates humans to invest in new technology and
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
. I firmly believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
market
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 manages itself and if the government intervenes
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much it weakens business for everyone.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states both views, but your thesis statement could be more precise about which position you hold.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to fix spelling errors, like 'extremely' and 'available', as they affect clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more effectively to connect your ideas smoothly. Phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'In addition to this' are good, but there could be more variety.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing your main point and re-stating your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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