IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 socializing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
co-workers is
curial
Correct your spelling
crucial
show examples
 to enhance creativity and performance at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 others opine that personal
life
Use synonyms
 is more important to
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 a
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. I think privacy plays
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role in everyone's
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views in subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
build
Wrong verb form
building
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friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
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 with colleagues and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 them in your leisure time helps
people
Use synonyms
 to make a strong bond with each other. They share their ideas properly which leads to
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
preceptations
Correct your spelling
perceptions
presentations
,
ultimately
Correct word choice
and ultimately
show examples
 it can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 to
ehnace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 creativity.
As a result
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, not only the company
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 better outcomes, but it can
also
Linking Words
 be beneficial for employees, as they get incentives for great work.
Moreover
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 feel shy at first when they meet each other as they get to know each other by spending some weekends together, it can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to combat
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 stress of
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.
For example
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, when I first started work in
foreign
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a foreign
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 country, I felt stressed
due to
Linking Words
 cultural differences and different workplace practices,
then
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 I met my
co-workersJohn
Correct your spelling
coworkers
 and Kumar and we planned our weekends and they helped me to adapt
in
Change preposition
to
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Add an article
the western
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western
Capitalize word
Western
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 workplace.
However
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 it is
significantally
Correct your spelling
significantly
 important to spend quality time with your family and relatives, which
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 you to make proper work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance. I think it is more essential because family is
also
Linking Words
 a responsibility and you should not ignore them. For
instant
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instance
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 weaken their
relations
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relationships
show examples
due to
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 solely
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on professional
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending some
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time with colleagues is important to build a strong relationship with each other, the importance of the family should not be overlooked.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to help the reader understand your main point.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples directly relate to the points you are making to strengthen your argument.
general
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes, as they can make your writing harder to understand.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your personal example is relevant and helps support your argument about the importance of socializing with colleagues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • professional boundaries
  • team-building activities
  • mental health
  • cohesive work environment
  • personal development
  • workplace relationships
  • informal networking
  • job satisfaction
  • clear boundaries
  • personal well-being
  • common goals
  • burnout prevention
  • sense of belonging
  • achieving balance
  • privacy maintenance
  • career benefits
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