In some societies, sports and entertainment figures are more valued than professionals such as doctors and teachers. Why is this the case, and do you consider it a positive or negative trend?

In recent years ,some societies have been interested in individual influencers whether they were
sports
Use synonyms
or the entertainment industry .In
this
Linking Words
essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will consider my opinion neutral about
this
Linking Words
argument by supporting related examples and insights.
Use synonyms
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
are
interest
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
in social media because often focuses on
sports
Use synonyms
and entertainment.
This
Linking Words
constant coverage makes stars seem more important,leading
people
Use synonyms
to value them highly.Doctors and teachers don't get
this
Linking Words
same level of attention.
For instance
Linking Words
, Children and young
people
Use synonyms
idolize
sports
Use synonyms
they respect the success in
this
Linking Words
field.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,salaries have become higher in
this
Linking Words
position
.
Correct your spelling
while
while
Linking Words
countries have come to consider these areas as a reason for economic growth.it led to young
people
Use synonyms
turning to these fields. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
were interested in
jobs
Use synonyms
that were accused of education and medicine
this
Linking Words
does not mean these
jobs
Use synonyms
are not significant because it is the basis of life .To illustrate more,the difference of interests does not consider issues for the community but it expresses the difference in interests in
jobs
Use synonyms
. some
people
Use synonyms
think
sports
Use synonyms
or entertainment is an additional hobby to get extra money.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
case
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
considered to be positive or negative. life has changed and interests have changed among
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
young generation is the reason for cultural differences in
jobs
Use synonyms
. I totally agree that the outcomes of
this
Linking Words
issue are not specific to persons but expand to reach the community and government.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction needs to clearly state your position on whether this trend is positive or negative. Make it more straightforward.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader. This will improve the flow of your ideas.
task response
Add specific examples or cases to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more, like 'firstly', 'next', and 'in conclusion', to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
You have identified an important issue that many people discuss today.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • value
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • teachers
  • sports
  • entertainment
  • figures
  • income
  • money
  • media
  • coverage
  • important
  • children
  • young people
  • success
  • fame
  • careers
  • traditional
  • jobs
  • appealing
  • idolize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: