IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People in the current generation are not fit and active. What are the problems with this issue? What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities?

In
this
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 contemporary epoch, it has been believed that people these days are not fit enough and active. For
this
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 multiple things need to
done
Add a missing verb
be done
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 to do something to keep themselves fit. One significant problem resulting from the current generation's lack of fitness is the rising prevalence of chronic diseases
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular conditions.
This
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 not only affects
individuals'
Correct your spelling
individual's
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 health and life expectancy but
also
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 places a tremendous burden on healthcare systems. Another issue is the mental health impact. Physical inactivity can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. There is substantial evidence that regular physical activity can improve mental well-being by releasing endorphins and reducing stress hormones.
To conclude
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,
encourage
Fix the infinitive
to encourage
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 people to participate in sports activities, schools and workplaces could introduce mandatory physical activity programs.
This
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 would ensure that individuals incorporate exercise into their daily routines and understand the importance of staying active.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. Explain your points in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer links between your sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
content
Your introduction clearly states the main issue about fitness.
content
You mention important problems related to fitness, like chronic diseases and mental health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chronic diseases
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular conditions
  • mental health
  • physical inactivity
  • stress hormones
  • endorphins
  • social consequence
  • community bonds
  • teamwork
  • social development
  • mandatory physical activity programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • influencers
  • development and maintenance
  • subsidized access
  • physical well-being
  • healthcare systems
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