IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

'Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that innovation should be targeted towards addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.'

In modern society, increasing economic development and profit not only promotes
innovation
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 allows
people
Use synonyms
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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in
Change preposition
apply
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a
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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 daily life.
Therefore
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that we should pay more attention to
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
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 with social and environmental issues. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe both perspectives, and I remain neutral on the issue.
Initially
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is no
a
Correct article usage
apply
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doubt that purchasing benefits
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a significant influence
of
Change preposition
on
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 the world’s
innovation
Use synonyms
. it is a motivation to drive private companies
invest
Fix the infinitive
to invest
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 in research and developing new technology.
For example
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, the development of smartphones, electric vehicles, and artificial intelligence has generated substantial economic growth but
also
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 transformed the way
people
Use synonyms
 live and work.
People
Use synonyms
 can use AI to address some
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
show examples
 more efficiently.
Moreover
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, they can save time by using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other immediately, and they can use the rest of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 to deal with other vital things. Based on
such
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 compelling evidence, it appears that
pursuit
Correct article usage
the pursuit
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 of profit and economic growth is essential for
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 improvement.
On the other hand
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 aim to
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
 benefits,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 they dismiss the harmful of the drawbacks from it.
For instance
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, fast fashion and consumer electronics are often designed for short-term use to encourage frequent purchases, resulting in massive waste and environmental pollution. In
contract
Correct your spelling
contrast
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,
innovate
Replace the word
innovative
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 eco-friendly items
such
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 as renewable energy technologies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more important, even
Correct word choice
if it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 lower financial returns. These indicate that advocates believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should consider social and environmental seriously.
To sum up
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,
although
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 the pursuit of profit has been a major driver of
innovation
Use synonyms
, it is increasingly important to direct creative efforts toward solving social and environmental problems.
Innovation
Use synonyms
 should aim to balance economic goals with the well-being of
people
Use synonyms
 and the planet.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion more strongly or indicate if you lean towards one side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are not clear and contain errors. Make sure to proofread for grammar and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'however', 'for example', and 'moreover' to connect your ideas better.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples, like smartphones and renewable energy, which support your points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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