IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is argued that there are a lot of facilities that can affect how people raise their
children
Use synonyms
 and discipline them. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss a couple of things that play an essential role in the
child
Use synonyms
's development. No doubt that parents are the first people who play a major role in their
children
Use synonyms
's lives.
However
Linking Words
, there are a lot of things affected as well,
in addition
Linking Words
,
tablets
Change preposition
to tablets
show examples
, teachers, friends and games. If we have a close look at the
child
Use synonyms
's time we will figure out that half of the day he will be in school and the other half either he is hanging out with friends and playing or he is at home. And it's not about time it's about the amount and
this
Linking Words
 can be different from one
child
Use synonyms
 to another, so we can say that both opinions are correct. The
child
Use synonyms
 is affected by all the mentioned above. Now the duty depends on the parents more. Are you taking care of your
children
Use synonyms
? Do you know who's hanging out with? Do you follow up on his studies? If you're not watching out and not being aware a one cartoon show could destroy what you have been building for years. Your
children
Use synonyms
 are your responsibility and taking care of them is your duty and a sign that you will fight for it.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is all about balance you can forbid anyone and take their freedom in the concept of discipline and raising.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer in stating your opinion and outlining the points you will discuss. Try to be more specific about what you will cover.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of your essay. Each idea should connect to the main topic clearly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your ideas clearer and more convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good for discussing a topic in depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your thoughts, which is a good way to end your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial influence
  • learning environment
  • essential life skills
  • instill morals and manners
  • external factors
  • introduce to a variety of cultures
  • social skills
  • monitor the content
  • maintain a central role
  • exposure to different ideas
  • complement parental teaching
  • broader understanding
  • critical thinking skills
  • foundational groundwork
  • prominent influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: