IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on supporting cultural activities such as music, theater or art. Others think this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

A group of
an
Correct your spelling
some
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individual
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individuals
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 suggest that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should utilize
funds
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 to encourage traditional platforms
such
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 as music, theatre or
art
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while
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 some people think
this
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 trend
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 a waste of money. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 will discuss both plots followed by my opinion with relevant examples. In the education system ministry always supports major subjects that are building a base for students but at the same time country
also
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 needs to grow on
art
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 platforms.
First,
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skills
such
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 as music, acting and theatre performances can be represented on the international level. If the government motivate performers by providing them required resources and opportunities, they can help the nation
to
Verb problem
apply
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achieve international recognition.
Second,
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many pupils have hidden talents, and
due to
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 a lack of financial
stability
Add a comma
stability,
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 they can not find a way to learn and master their
art
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. So, for them, the authority arranges tuition and teachers.
For example
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, nowadays, many
counties
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countries
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 focus on extracurricular activities by providing
funds
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 for equipment and practice rooms, which are free for artists. On the other side, there are many people who believe that the
usage
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use
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 of money behind
art
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 forms is a waste. The reason behind
this
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 is the loss of vital subjects. There are a number of essential fields that require high
funds
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 and resources
such
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 as mathematics, science and biology. These are key curriculum for pupils so that, the government should spend more on it.
For instance
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, the formation of labs and units to practice science experiments with all facilities helps students to grow and educate.
Moreover
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, skills
such
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 as music, acting and playing can distract students and engage them,
therefore
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, they can not focus on the subjects which are necessary for growing future.
To conclude
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,
i
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I
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 believe that the government should utilize
funds
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 for
art
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 forms in order to encourage and motivate the nation and artists.

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task achievement
Clarify your introduction and make your opinion clear at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your ideas by using more linking words between sentences.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to support your points about arts and education.
structure
You have a good basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
You provide reasons for both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
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