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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph above shows the information on daily
electricity
Use synonyms
 power usage (line graph) in opposing seasons. Meanwhile, the pie chart exposes the number (in percentage) of daily energy needs for electronic households by people
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a particular city.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in winter is higher than in
summer
Use synonyms
. In both seasons, the trends of daily energy consumption were fluctuating with peaks of usage recorded after 12.00 pm.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the highest designation of
electricity
Use synonyms
, worth more than 50%, was for heating systems (rooms and water). In a 24-hour period of measurement, the utilization of electric energy in winter fluctuates between 30.000 to almost 50.000. Meanwhile, in the
summer
Use synonyms
, the range of
figures
Use synonyms
 are narrowing between 12.000 to 20.000. For both winter and
summer
Use synonyms
, the lowest occupancy of electric power is found in the morning between 6-10 am with numbers 12.000 and 30.000, respectively,
while
Linking Words
, the highest measures between 9 - 12 pm, with
figures
Use synonyms
 20.000 and around 49.000, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the
summer
Use synonyms
, the
electricity
Use synonyms
 usage
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 peaked in the afternoon (around 12 - 15 pm), reaching around 20.000 in
figures
Use synonyms
. Electronics
such
Linking Words
 as the heater for rooms and water utilize the highest number of electrical power, with
figures
Use synonyms
 of 52.5%. The figure
then
Linking Words
 followed by ovens,
kettels
Correct your spelling
kettles
kettle
, and washing machines by 17.5%.
However
Linking Words
, the least consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is performed by electronic households which might be aided by inverter technology,
such
Linking Words
 as lighting, television, radio, food mixer, and vacuum cleaner, with numbers only
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, summer, figures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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