Some people think that developing countries need financial help form international organization. Others think that its is practical aid and advice that is needed. Discuss these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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recent era, public concern related to how developing nations
helped
Add a missing verb
are helped
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by global institutions has been a topical issue since some people argued that these countries required a lot of
money
Use synonyms
to improve their conditions,
while
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others believed in other types of
support
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. In response to
this
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issue, I will give my opinion related to both sides and convince
that
Correct pronoun usage
them that
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial
support
Use synonyms
is the most crucial form
due to
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its flexibility. Supporting developing nations by mentoring or providing practical
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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will give positive development to change their conditions.
Firstly
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, advice from international organizations can be utilized as a framework that can guide them to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a developed country soon
due to
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their experience and knowledge in handling many countries.
In addition
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, practical
support
Use synonyms
also
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will enable them to directly use goods and services without requiring a lot of time for doing procurement.
However
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, these ideas are misleading since their
supports
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support
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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useless because the
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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institution does not know what fields should be prioritized to get
aids
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aid
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.
On the other hand
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, financial
support
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has more benefits compared
others
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to others
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because governments can be easier to allocate
money
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in which field
requiring
Wrong verb form
requires
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more
support
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.
This
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is because they have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stronger data and knowledge that can be used to make a precise decision.
Moreover
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,
money
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can be converted easily to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
goods or services as sometimes some locations have different treatment. Taking Indonesia as one example, in
city
Correct article usage
the city
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centre
public
Correct article usage
the public
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needs an opportunity to get a job,
therefore
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we need
money
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to invest and open industries.
In contrast
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, healthcare and doctors are urgently needed in some remote areas. So,
government
Add an article
the government
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can easily allocate the budget based on their
prioroties
Correct your spelling
priorities
.
To sum up
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, even though information and practical aid are beneficial,
money
Use synonyms
is more
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
to
support
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries
due to
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its flexibility.

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task achievement
You need to explain better how financial help can be used in different fields and why that is important.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are clearly defined and flow together smoothly, linking ideas better.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or details to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could briefly restate the main points to leave a stronger impact.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of task.
task achievement
Your opinion on financial help reflects good understanding and reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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