IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.(huseyn mock)

It is argued that leisure
activities
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 are not useful if they do not teach
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chidlren
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children
. I mostly
disgaree
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disagree
disagreed
 with
this
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 statement as I believe that modern
chidren
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children
 are
overhelmed
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overwhelmed
 with their curriculums and daily schedules, and
for
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 they should have
activities
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 which allow them to relax.  Some people support the idea that children should spend their leisure
activities
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 wisely as it might
increasy
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increase
 their
inteligence
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intelligence
 level. It means that children can take
a
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the
show examples
 benefit of doing two things simultaneously without wasting their time
,
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apply
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 because in
this
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 way
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chidlren's
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children's
brain
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brains
show examples
 will
be developing
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develop
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 much faster than with
activities
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 without
a
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apply
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meaning.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, I support the opinion that
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chidlren
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children
 should choose whatever activity they want regardless of its benefit for the following reasons. First of all, nowadays the curriculums at schools are more demanding and complicated than it was decades ago.
That is
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 to say, students might come home exhausted and tired after
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 day.
Therefore
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, they deserve to relax and spend time in the way they wish in order to regenerate new energy and be ready for
a
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the
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 next day.
Moreover
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, those
chidren
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children
 who
were grown
Verb problem
grew up
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 in the regional areas do not have all
amenities
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the amenities
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 like children from urban areas;
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however
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however,
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 they tend to
success
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succeed
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 during their
exam
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exams
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. in conclusion,
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chidlren
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children
 should not be pushed to spend time constantly with
benefit
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benefits
show examples
 as it can make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel less energized.

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points more clearly with examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph connects well with the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use more accurate vocabulary, especially for key terms like 'curriculum' and 'benefit'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is good, with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure
  • activities
  • educational
  • waste
  • time
  • important
  • development
  • relax
  • stress
  • creativity
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • fun
  • balance
  • growth
  • enjoy
  • free time
  • self-expression
  • children
  • mental health
What to do next:
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