IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Zoos should be closed because they are cruel and unnatural places for animals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed because they are cruel and unnatural places for
animals
Use synonyms
. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement? There is no denying that there has been an increasing number of
animals
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
. The
conditions
Use synonyms
 of
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
show examples
 were planned based on their habitat. Many people contend that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 and all of them should be shut down,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are more suitable for other environments for some kinds of
animals
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed down. On the one hand, proponents of
zoos
Use synonyms
 strongly believe that
zoos
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 provide a comfortable place for
animals
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 them, with technological advancements taking measures to make better their
conditions
Use synonyms
 has become significantly easier and it is projected that it would be more practical in the following years.
For instance
Linking Words
, some researchers say,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 European countries,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are weekly controlled by biologists and engineers to increase their well-being, and if there is any problem, it is reported to offer a solution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who oppose
zoos
Use synonyms
 contend that
animals
Use synonyms
 cannot be integrated into the zoo
conditions
Use synonyms
. Specifically, shielding them decreases their life span in the long run.
Moreover
Linking Words
, specific animal species cannot get used to shelter
conditions
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
lion
Fix the agreement mistake
lions
show examples
,
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
show examples
, and
eagle
Fix the agreement mistake
eagles
show examples
. These kinds of
animals
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' body
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
show examples
 is not equipped to live
shelter
Change preposition
in shelter
show examples
conditions
Use synonyms
. Forcing them to live in closed
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 triggers their mental and physical issues
such
Linking Words
 as depression, obesity, and anger issues.
Instead
Linking Words
 of shielding them, the
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 of jungles can be upgraded to make
appropriate
Correct pronoun usage
them appropriate
show examples
 for living by adding some nests and providing
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. In conclusion, even though some individuals support
zoos
Use synonyms
' existence, I firmly believe that all shelters and
zoos
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 should be closed down and jungles and nature
conditions
Use synonyms
 should be enhanced rather than driving
animals
Use synonyms
 away from their natural environment.

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task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but try to provide more examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You express a strong opinion clearly in your introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, showing good awareness of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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