IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a huge range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

Most parents wish to provide the best opportunities for their children.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that schools should teach essential life
skills
Use synonyms
, others think that studying a broad range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 helps children develop
skills
Use synonyms
 for the future.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the contribution of schools and academic
subjects
Use synonyms
,
along with
Linking Words
 my own opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, schools play a significant role in helping
students
Use synonyms
 acquire useful
skills
Use synonyms
. Teachers introduce
students
Use synonyms
 to new technologies, encourage social interaction, and teach good manners.
In addition
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 participate in sports and extracurricular activities, which
further
Linking Words
 contribute to skill development.
For instance
Linking Words
, healthy competition in activities
such
Linking Words
 as drawing, painting, and sports helps
students
Use synonyms
 learn teamwork, creativity, and discipline. At the same time, studying a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 like technology, geography, and social science
also
Linking Words
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 build important
skills
Use synonyms
.
Subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as physics and chemistry,
for example
Linking Words
, teach them about globalization, scientific research, and problem-solving techniques. In my opinion, school education and exposure to various
subjects
Use synonyms
 undoubtedly help
students
Use synonyms
 develop
skills
Use synonyms
 that will benefit them in the future. Pupils apply the knowledge they gain in class to real-life situations, which enhances their personal and professional development. In conclusion,
students
Use synonyms
 gain valuable knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
 through both school activities and academic
subjects
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it ultimately depends on the
students
Use synonyms
 themselves to make the most of these opportunities and use them in a meaningful way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but try to make the introduction a bit more engaging. This will help grab the reader's attention better.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples that directly relate to each point you make. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
While your structure is good, the connection between ideas could be smoother. Using linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'for example' can help improve this.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows you can discuss different views effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes your points and expresses your opinion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: