IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is responsibility of individual to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In the prevailing era, a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is crucial to live a longer life. It is an argued issue whether
people
Use synonyms
 are responsible
to maintain
Change preposition
for maintaining
show examples
 their own balanced
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 or
authorities
Correct word choice
whether authorities
show examples
 ought to take
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to maintain
Change preposition
for maintaining
show examples
 the active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of their citizens. I believe that it is the duty of the government to ensure their own health and
diet
Use synonyms
. Commencing with the most salient reason why
people
Use synonyms
 should maintain their healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 by themselves is that it is
people
Use synonyms
's personal preference to choose their
diet
Use synonyms
 and
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. They know what kinds of food
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for them to eat
at
Correct word choice
and at
show examples
 what time.
For example
Linking Words
, If
people
Use synonyms
 feel pain in their
joint
Fix the agreement mistake
joints
show examples
, they usually go to visit doctors.
Neccessary
Correct your spelling
Necessary
 medicines are taken by them that may help to relieve. So, it is about the
people
Use synonyms
's choices. On the other side, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the authorities should take care of the healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of their
indigenuos
Correct your spelling
indigenous
people
Use synonyms
 is that they can impose some strict laws and regulations on
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 companies that produce goods. So companies can reduce the amount of sugar,
situated
Correct your spelling
saturated
show examples
 fat, and
chlestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 in the
bevarage
Correct your spelling
beverage
 and edible products. So,
people
Use synonyms
 can eat
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 food. I believe that the government should
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
to maintain
Change preposition
for maintaining
show examples
 the
diet
Use synonyms
 and
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 because many industries add harmful ingredients
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their products
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 them more delicious and durable. If the government deters them
to mix
Change preposition
from mixing
show examples
those mixture
Change the determiner
that mixture
those mixtures
show examples
 and
motives
Replace the word
motivates
show examples
 them to add healthy items
such
Linking Words
 as
fibers
Change the spelling
fibres
show examples
, and minerals. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more chance that
people
Use synonyms
 will live
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 individuals should make sure
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves about their
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
diet
Use synonyms
 , I
contemplate
Verb problem
think
show examples
 that authorities should
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 citizens.

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task achievement
Make sure to give clear reasons for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphing to separate ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument adequately.
task achievement
Some good examples were attempted to illustrate points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the introduction and conclusion is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal autonomy
  • self-discipline
  • nutrition
  • public health campaigns
  • regulations
  • socio-economic factors
  • dietary habits
  • food industry
  • public health initiatives
  • junk food advertising
  • subsidies
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