IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives

The most beneficial aspect of
Science
Use synonyms
 should be designated in enhancing
people’s
Use synonyms
lifespan
Use synonyms
,
Although
Linking Words
 there
science
Use synonyms
 has benefited mankind in various ways
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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I strongly believe that its involvement in a
longer lasting
Add a hyphen
longer-lasting
show examples
 lifestyle is
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 utmost importance.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the discovery and introduction of lots of new model drugs for the treatment of some deadly diseases like cancer,
hiv
Correct your spelling
HIV
, smoke cessation etc has been a huge attribute to managing
people’s
Use synonyms
 ailments and lifestyles thereby helping with a
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
lifespan
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 some anti chemotherapeutic drugs which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 developed by scientific drugs has been greatly used in the fight against cancerous diseases which could shorten
people’s
Use synonyms
lifespan
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, scientific research has shown that people transiting through the air using aeroplanes, jets, etc
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 possessed lesser risk of death compared to the olden model means of using
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bicycle,
walking
Correct word choice
or walking
show examples
 long mile distances which could
possess
Verb problem
pose
show examples
 a significant threat to
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health,
for instance
Linking Words
 riding a long mile using bicycle could cause leg pains, and exposure to hazardous weathers which could shorten
people’s
Use synonyms
lifespan
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
how
science
Use synonyms
 has helped differently to mankind
through
Rephrase
differently through
show examples
 eradicating some potential diseases and environmental hazards.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly support the notion of
science
Use synonyms
 being a great factor in ensuring the reduction of mortality rates among the masses

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task achievement
Make your main points clearer and support them with specific examples. This will help the reader understand your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. This will improve the flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states your main argument and your conclusion summarizes your key points.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples about medical advancements and transportation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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