IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some people that
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 problems at work come from hiring senior employees who
over
Add a missing verb
are over
show examples
 60 years
,
Correct word choice
old, therefore
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, retirement would be great for them once they are 60. In my opinion, some
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 or
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 from senior
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 is essential for some
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 should let them retire at 60. On the one hand,
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 who
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 until retirement period must have more
experience
Use synonyms
 and knowledge than junior staff,
therefore
Linking Words
, their expertise is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, legal firm, the senior lawyers are more reliable and their
experience
Use synonyms
 is a must for training to new generation in
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
,
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical or mental health should be
concern
Add an article
a concern
show examples
 and make sure that they are healthy and they are happy to keep
going
Correct your spelling
doing
show examples
 work.
This
Linking Words
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on the top
management
Change noun form
management's
show examples
 judgement because they can see
overview
Add an article
an overview
the overview
show examples
 of employee's performance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, preferable in younger generations are important in some
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
due to
Linking Words
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 conditions.
Although
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 is
nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for every
business
Use synonyms
,
despite
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
, no matter how long they
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer people who
strong
Add a missing verb
are strong
show examples
 and act fast in their environment.
For example
Linking Words
, in
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 area which is
fast-paced
Correct article usage
a fast-paced
show examples
 environment
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, younger people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to do better in kind of
this
Linking Words
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
. In conclusion, the employer should consider and evaluate in
lign
Correct your spelling
light
 of their
business
Use synonyms
 type
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how much
experience
Use synonyms
 and knowledge from senior
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 is essential for
company
Add an article
a company
the company
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, the
concerning
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 about
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 is a must for
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
.

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Task Response
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion on the issue. Be more direct about how much you agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas connect logically to one another. Use linking words to help with this.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will help make your arguments stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling. There are some errors that can make it hard to understand your ideas.
Task Response
You have attempted to engage with both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for different ideas, which is good.
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