IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Today’s universities include many
subjects
Use synonyms
 and
students
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 can demand
subjects
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 to learn, even if these
subjects
Use synonyms
 are not related to their main department. Some
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that
students
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 should learn whatever they want
in addition
Linking Words
 to their main
subjects
Use synonyms
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university,
whereas
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 others argue that
students
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 give their attention to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
subjects
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
about their department. First of all,
people
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 who advocate freedom of choosing
subjects
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 believe that, if
students
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 choose
subjects
Use synonyms
according to
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 their own abilities, it could be more beneficial for them to improve themselves.
Moreover
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,
this
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 case provides
students
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more
Change preposition
with more
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 perspective
while
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 they read, write and observe something.
For example
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, a student who
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 history subject might look
some
Change preposition
at some
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politic
Replace the word
political
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 news more clearly, because history subject gives him hints
Change preposition
about that
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that
Correct word choice
what
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 can
occurred
Change the verb form
occur
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.
However
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,
this
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 case
also
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 includes some risks, because
while
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 learners take extra
subjects
Use synonyms
, they might struggle to pass their exams, and they might face failure. Because of the risks that I mentioned, some
people
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 think that learners should not take any extra lessons, because it might force them to use multitasking methods.
According to
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 these
people
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, the learner who
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 multitasking methods cannot achieve anything completely.
Thus
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, they think that to reach success in a college,
students
Use synonyms
 must focus
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 of their departments. In my honest opinion, I agree with the second argument, because there are words in my country; if you try to catch two rabbits, you catch none of them. In conclusion, to achieve something in educational institutions,
students
Use synonyms
 must give their attention to
subjects
Use synonyms
 that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to their department. Even if the first argument provides
students
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something
Change preposition
with something
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 good. The second argument must be preferred
due to
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reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 that I mentioned.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a main idea and support it with details.
task achievement
Make sure to give specific examples that are related to your main point in each paragraph. This helps the reader understand your ideas better.
task achievement
When you give an opinion, explain why you have that opinion in more detail to make it stronger.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents two different viewpoints.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to conclude your essay, which is good for structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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