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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line grapy shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors in a particular country.

As can be seen from the diagram, there exist great changes between 1978 to 2008 great changes have taken
plce
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place
 in the
cinema
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 percentage of different
age
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 groups of
visitors
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 in a particular country. The
proportion
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 of
cinema
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visitors
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 in the
age
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?814-24
ang
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and
age
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 25-34 are similar and Bellow the same trend.In 1978, the figures were
about90
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about 90
% and 80% respectively, dipping to 76%0 and 60% respectively in 1988,
then
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 rising to 90% and 70% respectively in 1998. After that, from 1998 to 2003, the
proportion
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 of
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Correct pronoun usage
those age
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age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 14-24 and 25-34
cinema
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visitors
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 remained steady. And afterwards,
the14-24
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the 14-24
 dropped to 82% and the 25-34 decreased to 65% in 2008.
According to
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 the data, the years from 1978
to1988
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to 1988
 saw a drop in the
proportion
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 of
age
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.35-49 anema
visitors
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, falling from 60% to 40%.
This
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 was followed by a rise over the next years,
cimbing
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climbing
 back to 6l% .
Then
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 from 1998 to 2003, the
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proportion
proportions
proporton
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proportion
 of
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Correct pronoun usage
those age
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age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 35 -49
leveled
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levelled
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 off at 61% for a
while
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， The
proportion
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 of
age
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 50+
cinema
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visitors
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 dropped from 1978 to 1988,
then
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 went up again from 1988 to 1998 and
then
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 went up gradually until 2003, when there was a
leveling
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levelling
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 off at 40% for a
while
Linking Words
. The years from 197s to1988 saw a drop in the
proportion
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 of that, reaching a low at 22% in 1988.
Then
Linking Words
 from 1988 to 1998, it saw a rise reaching a high
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 40%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1998. After that, it gradually increased until 2008, when it coincided with the
age
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 35 -49 at 50%.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and clarity. Some sentences are long and confusing. Try to break them into shorter sentences.
task achievement
Add an introduction that clearly states what the graph is about and a conclusion that summarizes the key points.
overall improvement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. This will help make your writing clearer and more professional.
content
You provided a good overview of trends over time, showing changes in different age groups, which is important for this task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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