IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
Linking Words
 globalisation brought the advancement of technology, most employers or companies require
high skills
Correct your spelling
high-skilled
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 employees with
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of knowledge. These requirements lead to a debatable question : did children can follow their passions or
response
Replace the word
respond
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 to financial concerns in career paths ? In the following paragraph, I will explain both of those perceptions. In
apply
Verb problem
apply
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terms of reality,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
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 persons discuss that students should concentrate
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 most
people
Use synonyms
 are
parents
Use synonyms
 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
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 who
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about their kids' future.
Linking Words
This ideas
Change the determiner
This idea
These ideas
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 are not suitable for every young
persons
Change to a singular noun
person
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, if someone
have
Change the verb form
has
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 their own strong passion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should release them to their own decisions. If not, it will bring them to aggressive action
such
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 as leaving home or depression are affected by domestic pressures.
For example
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, when my uncle was a high school student, he
dream
Wrong verb form
dreamed
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to become
Change preposition
of becoming
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 a professional football player;
however
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, my
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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parents
Use synonyms
 did not allow him, and
a
Change preposition
as a
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result, he failed their university application and
also
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loss
Replace the word
lost
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 his dream together.
Nonetheless
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 who follow
Use synonyms
parents'
Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
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 plans succeed
their
Change preposition
in their
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 working life.
On the other hand
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, I dramatically agree with
people
Use synonyms
 who seek their dreams
due to
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 I am the one who
find
Change the verb form
finds
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 my
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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of
Change preposition
apply
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between passions and business. From 5 working years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
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, I
meet
Wrong verb form
met
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 and
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
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 numerous
cilents
Correct your spelling
clients
that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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enhance
Verb problem
encouraged
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 me to grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
becoming to
Wrong verb form
become
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 better
of
Change preposition
at
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 my own version.
However
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, if
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 decide to be
a
Change the article
an
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 accountant like my parent expected, I will feel sad and unhappy
in
Change preposition
about
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 my bad decision. In my conclusion, everyone has their own passions and dreams;
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 someone
have
Change the verb form
has
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burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 of financial concerns that can not follow their needs. I think
this
Linking Words
 topic is not other concerns, but many
people
Use synonyms
 should decide with their own conditions and situation for their lifestyle.

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task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and ensure each paragraph stays focused on them.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using clear connecting words between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar errors to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
You provided personal examples, which help to make your points relatable and clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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