IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that teenagers should follow the old generation but others believe that they should challenge the old thoughts. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that some
people
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 believe that
teenagers
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 should follow the old
generation
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
teenagers
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 have to follow the old
generation
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.There is
also
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 an argument that
teenagers
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 have to challenge the old thinking.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, following the old
generation
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 can be very beneficial.
In other words
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, many old
people
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had
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have
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 experienced a lot of things so they can definitely help younger
people
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 in the past used to have ways of curing diseases and that might be helpful for younger doctors.
For example
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. Many diseases
in
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apply
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now days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
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 cannot
cure
Wrong verb form
be cured
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 by medication the only
way
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 to cure it with traditional medicine.
On the other hand
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.
Younger
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The younger
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generation
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 must not adapt their
way
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 of thinking. It is
also
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 possible to say that older
people
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 have a different view of life and
certain
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a certain
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 type of mindset.
Moreover
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, their
way
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 of teaching kids many older adults are
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 kids in a wrong
way
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 by punishing them and screaming at them thinking that
this
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 is the
way
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 to teach them manners.
For instance
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,
people
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 In the past did not know the
way
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 of parenting and that
create
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created
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 a messed up
generation
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 full of mental illnesses. In conclusion, There are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
teenagers
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 should not adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
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 older
generation
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 and
focusing
Change the verb form
focus
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 on
challenges
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 ideas to make
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 society.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Use simple sentences to define both sides more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly with linking words like 'firstly,' 'also,' 'however,' and 'for example.'
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, making sure they relate directly to the argument you're discussing.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to express your opinion in the conclusion, which is important.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adhere to
  • guidance
  • wisdom
  • societal continuity
  • traditions
  • cultural values
  • life experiences
  • career choices
  • relationships
  • moral dilemmas
  • question
  • challenge
  • conventional wisdom
  • foster innovation
  • status quo
  • societal evolution
  • outdated practices
  • contemporary standards
  • critical thinking
  • adaptability
  • rapidly changing world
  • scrutinizing
  • inclusive
  • equitable
  • efficient systems
  • balanced approach
  • empowered
  • outdated or harmful traditions
  • preservation
  • innovation
  • refining
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