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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In recent years, the trend of decreasing population density in rural
areas
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due to
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 urbanization has sparked a significant debate. Some argue that
this
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 trend is a positive development,
while
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 I believe it is detrimental because it exacerbates overcrowding in
cities
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 and hampers the development of rural
areas
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. A compelling argument in
favor
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favour
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 of
this
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 perspective is that urban residents suffer from traffic congestion and a lack of resources in educational institutions and workplaces. As individuals move from the countryside to megacities, overpopulation increases, leading to heightened competition for housing, education, and employment opportunities.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 influx can worsen urban pollution.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan,
cities
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 like Astana and Almaty experience severe air pollution as a direct result of overcrowding. Another significant factor is that urbanization stifles the development of rural
areas
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, which can lead to higher unemployment rates.
Additionally
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, many qualified teachers relocate to
cities
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, resulting in diminished educational quality in rural communities. In my country,
for instance
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, urban residents typically receive a higher standard of education and have more job opportunities compared to those living in rural
areas
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.
This
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 clearly illustrates how migration to
cities
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 impacts both the environment and employment. In conclusion, from my perspective, urbanization negatively affects people's lives as it leads to overpopulation and environmental pollution in
cities
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.

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task achievement
Make sure you support your ideas with more examples and details to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more clearly with transition words to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your view on the topic, which is important.
coherence and cohesion
You presented your ideas in a logical order, and your conclusion summarizes your main points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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