IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Various nations around the world have mandatory
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 for adolescents after graduating from school. In recent years, there has been a debate on whether all countries should make national
service
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 obligatory and require both men and
women
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 to enlist.
However
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,
while
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 I believe that countries should make conscription necessary, I do not agree that
women
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 should be made to serve.
Firstly
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, national
service
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 is not only crucial for a
nation
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's defence and security
,
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apply
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 but
also
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one's
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for one's
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 character development and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 maturity during
their
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the
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 transition from boy to adulthood. The training that servicemen go through equips them with the knowledge and skills to defend themselves in times of crisis. In Singapore military training, men go through various types of preparation, including building on physical fitness, weapon handling, and basic combat skills. These are all helpful during disasters and emergencies.
Moreover
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, working
together with
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 other boys and facing challenges
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 cultivate a sense of teamwork, discipline, problem-solving, and resilience. These values are all essential to one's future.
However
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, there are too many disadvantages as to why
women
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 should not be required to serve the
nation
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. One of those drawbacks is that if
women
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, alongside men, enlist
into
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in
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 the military, there will be a shortage of manpower in other industries. Over the long term, it will impose a great cost, not only on
women
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 themselves, but
also
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their
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on their
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 families, children and spouses, and society as a whole. The Straits Times has mentioned that the Government does not believe that
cost
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the cost
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 is justified to send a signal or to reverse stereotypes. In conclusion, martial
service
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 brings about various benefits to not only the
nation
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,
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apply
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 but to individuals as well.
However
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, forcing
women
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 to join the army may hinder the development of the
nation
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 and their livelihood.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially for your views on the benefits of national service.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear transitions between paragraphs to improve flow, like 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one idea and develops it fully.
idea
Strong argument about the benefits of national service, showing its importance for character development and national defense.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
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