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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students around the world are not choosing science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What effects will this have on society?

Nowadays, pupils prefer other subjects rather than
science
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 during higher studies
due to
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 several factors
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 the difficulty level of study and competition in the market.
This
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 essay will discuss these reasons and how
this
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 trend affects
society
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.
Firstly
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, the major reason behind fewer
students
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 in the
science
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 stream is the difficulty level of
this
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 subject.
Students
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 find it
Correct article usage
a level
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level up
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level-up
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 curriculum as
,
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apply
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 it requires
hard
Correct quantifier usage
more hard
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 work and potential than other
fields
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such
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 as history and creativity.
For example
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, the
fields
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 of artwork and languages do not need knowledge and practice
while
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,
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apply
show examples
science
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 and mathematics require time and effort.
Secondly
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, today's college
students
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 are aware of the competition around the globe and they choose easy and effortless ways to make money.
Moreover
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, there are many pupils who do not want to do the job,
instead
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 of it they prefer their own business. For that, they choose other
fields
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 over
science
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. These all reasons can affect
society
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 in many ways. One of the major results is
,
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apply
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 a shortage of scientists. Because of less admissions in
science
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can cause
Verb problem
,
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less
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fewer
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 employees in chemicals, physics
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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rocket and space
science
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.
For instance
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, all the significant
fields
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 carry subjects of
science
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 whether it is medicine or mechanical industries. If
students
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 give up on these paths
then
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 it creates a shortage of doctors, pharmacists and engineers.
Furthermore
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, the nation has to get help
of
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from
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 other countries in terms of financial support or foreign workers which causes a burden on
society
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 and workers.
To conclude
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, the burden of studies on the
students
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 and high entries into
science
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fields
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 cause
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 admissions during university study.
As a result
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 of it
society
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 faces less smart workers and important skilled people.

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task achievement
Try to include more clear reasons for why students avoid science, such as personal interests or career goals. This will help your response be more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer connectives to show the relationship between your ideas. For example, instead of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly', you could use phrases like 'In addition' or 'Additionally'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clearer conclusion that sums up your main points and restates the importance of the topic.
task achievement
You provide some good examples, such as mentioning the fields of artwork and sciences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perceived difficulty
  • abstract concepts
  • inadequate teaching methods
  • qualified science teachers
  • higher perceived income
  • job security
  • undervaluation of science careers
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • shortage of skilled professionals
  • critical fields
  • healthcare
  • engineering
  • environmental science
  • economic implications
  • reduced competitiveness
  • global market
  • problem-solving capabilities
  • critical thinking skills
  • workforce
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