IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries women and men are working full time. It is therefore, logical for women and men to share household works. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that in
this
Linking Words
 modern world
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and female are having their jobs as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 work which leads them to share the house duties,
while
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 some people
opposing
Wrong verb form
oppose
show examples
this
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 opinion, in my point of view, I argue that sharing is useful for many families. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons.
To begin
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 with, one of the main concepts of making a family is about giving and receiving support from each other.
In other words
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, when children grow up seeing their parents collaborate in different households
works
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, that will significantly build supportive morals and behaviours.
In addition
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, even if the wife is not working, she still needs help from her partner.
For example
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, there are tough times when she
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 a hand in the home, especially during pregnancy or in the postpartum days. Another point to consider,
by
Add a missing verb
is by
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 dividing the home tasks the
intencity
Correct your spelling
intensity
 of labour will be minimized
as well as
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 it saves more
time
Use synonyms
 for doing something important or even spending
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family members.
Moreover
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, if home tasks were only
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
on
Change preposition
of
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 one individual, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be hard for that person to find
time
Use synonyms
 to exercise regularly or enjoy a hobby
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 decreases the quality of life. In conclusion, despite people having different points of view, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that in
this
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 contemporary lifestyle, there are many stressful factors
such
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 as work and cost of living and partners would considerably benefit from receiving support
each
Change preposition
from each
show examples
 other.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. You can use phrases like 'I strongly agree' or 'I partially agree'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammar. For example, 'intencity' should be 'intensity', and 'wich' should be 'which'.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about support in relationships and the division of household tasks, which makes your essay meaningful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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