IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A group of people believe that smoking in the public should be banned. Other groups of people argue that it should not. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are some
people
Use synonyms
 who perceive that prohibiting
people
Use synonyms
 from smoking in public is necessary,
while
Linking Words
 others stand on the opposite side. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay firmly agrees with the idea of banning
people
Use synonyms
 from using cigarettes in social locations
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 non-
smokers
Use synonyms
 and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 environmental pollution,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 problem is more prone to individuals' perceptions.
Initially
Linking Words
, creating protective feelings is a key point why local authorities should prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from smoking in crowded areas.
In other words
Linking Words
, smoking bans minimize the exposure of citizens to hazardous pollutants which often consist of detrimental chemicals.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only the local government's prestige will be ensured but
also
Linking Words
 the social health conditions will be enhanced and stimulated because there are fewer
smokers
Use synonyms
 in the areas who have been disciplined and banned.
Conversely
Linking Words
, some believe that bans are unnecessary since
this
Linking Words
 problem is more likely related to dwellers' mindset. To clarify,
smokers
Use synonyms
 who are not addicted to nicotine tend to dispose of their cigarettes whether they see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , peers or families can give meaningful advice to persuade them to quit smoking or limit the duration of using cigarettes.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may be true in certain circumstances, readdicting might be an unexpected aspect of neglected recommendation if the person has been exposed to smoke in their youth ages.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that hindering individuals from smoking in civil areas is a useful method because of the reduction in environmental pollution. To be more specific , if there are fewer
smokers
Use synonyms
 in crowded destinations, the atmosphere will be fresher and less damaged by the pollutants which mainly come from
smokers
Use synonyms
' cigars.
As a result
Linking Words
, residents' health will be enhanced and promoted since their well-being conditions have been put in awareness. In conclusion, despite the fact that smoking is mostly related to users'
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
, officials ought to ban it in public destinations in order to protect
human'
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health and prevent
polluted
Correct article usage
a polluted
show examples
 environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with reasons or examples.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to explain your ideas clearly. This will help your arguments be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas better. You can use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Your opinion on the topic is clear, and you have explained it in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main points well, which is great for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: