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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 wor

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 wor
The given chart illustrates the break of the amount of people who are employed in different types.
Overall
Linking Words
 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 was higher than females in total.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in all categories,
males
Use synonyms
 made up a majority of all, except for Professionals and clerical.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
 a look at employed styles
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have
chosen
Add a missing verb
been chosen
show examples
 by both genders. As managers, the female
number
Use synonyms
 was 200 which was just a quarter of
males
Use synonyms
. A similar trend can be seen in Labourers and semi-professionals, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 was 400 and 650, respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
females
Change to a genitive case
female's
females'
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 accounted
just
Change preposition
for just
show examples
 around two-thirds of
males
Use synonyms
. In the opposite trend,
Correct article usage
the professionals
show examples
professionals
Fix the agreement mistake
professional
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 type recognized a surpass of females where their
number
Use synonyms
 was 700 compared with
males
Use synonyms
 at 650. Regarding the remaining employed type where a wide range of people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both genders participate . In tradespeople, even though the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 topped the ranking at exactly 900, their female
number
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just made up a minority at 100. The familiarity can be observed in Production ,where the amount of male
number
Use synonyms
 was fivefold over than female.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was less disparity in clerical type as, the
number
Use synonyms
 of both genders held
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest stakes, at approximately 900 with the female
number
Use synonyms
 being higher.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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