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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The Brick Manufacturing Process

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The Brick Manufacturing Process
The diagram demonstrates the stages involved in the production of
bricks
Use synonyms
 which are
further
Linking Words
 used for manufacturing buildings and industries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the process starts
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the collection of
clay
Use synonyms
 with the help of
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
 followed by five steps and ends with the transportation of goods. At the initial stage, the
clay
Use synonyms
 is
digged
Correct your spelling
dug
show examples
 from the soil with a digger which is
then
Linking Words
 passed on a metal grid that filters the
clay
Use synonyms
 on a roller. After that, the sand and water
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 added to the mixture to improve consistency. The third step includes placing the clean
clay
Use synonyms
 into
moulder
Correct article usage
a moulder
show examples
 and wire cutler which gives the shape of brick to the
clay
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are dried in an oven for two days. Before packaging the goods, the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are placed in
kiln
Add an article
the kiln
a kiln
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
 temperature at
first,
Linking Words
then
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high, and
finally
Linking Words
 in a cooling chamber for approximately 72 hours. When the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are cooled, they are packed in the warehouse from where they are traded to different locations with trucks.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks, clay with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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