IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many factotured food and drink products contains high level of sugar which causes many health problems. What do you think about it? Describe you opinion.

It is irrefutable that
taking
Verb problem
eating
show examples
 healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 of paramount importance for leading a healthy lifestyle as it is commonly said that''
Health
Use synonyms
 is Wealth''. In
this
Linking Words
contemprary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 era , manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 and drink products are very popular among
people
Use synonyms
 which contains
an excessive
Remove the article
excessive sugar
a lump of excessive sugar
a cube of excessive sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 and
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in numerous
health
Use synonyms
 issues. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss its negative impact on our body with my viewpoint
at the end
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Food
Use synonyms
 and drinks with excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a good flavour, which forces consumers to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their satisfaction. They are prepared with mouth-watering
recipies
Correct your spelling
recipes
, and in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 buyers are unable to resist
thierselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to eat or drink
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Unfortunately, they
foeget
Correct your spelling
forget
 that it leads to obesity, which
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 many
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 and diabetes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 are unaware of its
sugar
Use synonyms
 contents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are
illitetrate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
. No one guides them
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
 is good or bad for their
health
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 globalisation,
people
Use synonyms
 are very busy in their lives , and always prefer packed products over
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 its
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
. consumers
saves
Change the verb form
save
show examples
 their time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking it and consume
Use synonyms
sugar contained
Correct your spelling
sugar-containing
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 very happily.
As a result
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
making their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, as per the
artical
Correct your spelling
article
 of Hamdard
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
 in 2024,
factotured
Correct your spelling
factored
fractured
food
Use synonyms
 products consumption increased by 30%
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2023. In my viewpoint, I think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take steps to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 burning
isuue
Correct your spelling
issue
. They should start giving education about it by organising camps and advertising its
negatvie
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on our
health
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can charge
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
producing
Correct article usage
the producing
show examples
 companies
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Local authorities can
also
Linking Words
put
Verb problem
make
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 contribution by taking
intitate
Correct your spelling
initiative
 in starting
an events
Correct the article-noun agreement
events
an event
show examples
 related to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 physically
as well as
Linking Words
 mentally.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and connect your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points and make them stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which is good.
task achievement
You made some good points about sugary foods and their effects on health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • health
  • problem
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • food
  • drink
  • energy
  • intake
  • education
  • aware
  • favorite
  • reduce
  • improve
  • level
  • content
  • serious
  • aware
  • provide
What to do next:
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