IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, the crime rate is increasing, especially among teenagers. What are the reasons behind it? How can we resolve this trend? What punishment method should be used, in your opinion?

In today`s era,
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate is increasing significantly among
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
. Teenagers are
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 because of
Correct article usage
the influnce
show examples
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 of
crime
Use synonyms
 movies and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of their
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 attention on them. To
sove
Correct your spelling
solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to stop them
doing
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 certain activities, and they can put them behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teach them
lesson
Add an article
a lesson
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason for
crime
Use synonyms
 in youngsters is
parents
Use synonyms
 are not focusing on their activities from childhood, so they can easily get
distract
Change the verb form
distracted
show examples
. Nowadays
parents
Use synonyms
 are busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working on a job or on a
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can not focus on their activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
crime
Use synonyms
 movies or violence
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
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 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their brain, and they
tryning
Correct your spelling
trying
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 thing in society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, poverty leads them to be a victim of
crime
Use synonyms
, as
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 unable to fulfil their basic needs,
as
Correct word choice
and
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 they can attempt
robory
Correct your spelling
robbery
 or stabbing.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers who
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 school or university
due to
Linking Words
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 conditions
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attempts
Change the verb form
attempt
show examples
 more number of
crime
Use synonyms
 in society. In order to eradicate
this
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend some time with their teenagers and
need to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
check their
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 with others, because her or his friends can
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 motivate them for
Use synonyms
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the government has to control
crime
Use synonyms
 movies and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to put some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of films.
In addition
Linking Words
,
ministry
Add an article
the ministry
show examples
 has to give help
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 basic education to those who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in poverty, and
also
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to help clever students
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 higher study,
this
Linking Words
 can help those adults to fulfil
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 dreams for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the ministy
show examples
ministy
Correct your spelling
ministry
 applied, the rule in Delhi, for youngsters they now putting them in jail. The government has to set different
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
 for young
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. if they
cummit
Correct your spelling
commit
 any normal
crime
Use synonyms
 they can put them in captivity, to teach
tem
Correct your spelling
them
lesson
Correct article usage
a lesson
show examples
. In conclusion,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 focus on adults, and social media,
crime
Use synonyms
 web series and poverty
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
crime
Use synonyms
 among adults,
while
Linking Words
 authorities and police can control
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
 rate by giving them
leasson
Correct your spelling
lesson
lessons
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas are well connected. Use linking words to improve the flow of your essay. For instance, use 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more examples and details for your ideas. Try to explain how a solution could work or give more examples of why a problem exists. This will help the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Check to ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and clear. Some sentences were hard to understand, which affects your score. It’s important to express your ideas in simple, correct sentences.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant reasons for the increase in teenage crime, such as parental neglect and the influence of media, which shows understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer pressure
  • parental supervision
  • socioeconomic factors
  • juvenile delinquency
  • violent media
  • constructive outlets
  • role models
  • community programs
  • family support systems
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • community service
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