IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people buy things they don't need and sometimes can't afford what are the reasons behind this behaviour Is it a positive or negative development

In recent years, shopping has turned into a leisure activity for many
instead
Linking Words
 of buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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necessary things, and
many a times
Correct the article-noun agreement
many times
many a time
show examples
 these
people
Use synonyms
 do not realise they have spent beyond their budget.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour is possible primarily because of two significant reasons, and in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 It is a negative trend. One main reason
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
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people
Use synonyms
 purchase unnecessary and unaffordable items is the clever marketing techniques used by businesses to allure customers.
For example
Linking Words
, Merchandise is often put on
sales
Fix the agreement mistake
sale
show examples
 during
off seasons
Add a hyphen
off-seasons
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, and when
people
Use synonyms
 see their favourite brands
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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offering these
products
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
less
Correct word choice
lower
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 they start buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 without thinking that these
products
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be out of fashion in
near
Correct article usage
the near
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 future.
People
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 encouraged to buy
products
Use synonyms
 beyond their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the
availbility
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
loans
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 these days
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have only high credit card limits but
also
Linking Words
 they have mortgages and personal
loans
Use synonyms
. Plus, retailers offer
Add an article
the customer
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 to purchase items in
installments
Change the spelling
instalments
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, the access to
endless
Add an article
an endless
the endless
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money and the ability to buy
products
Use synonyms
 without paying it
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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upfront is responsible for making
people
Use synonyms
 spendthrift and treat shopping as a hobby.
As a consequence
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending money on things that are not in use and out of their budget can become a cause for
people
Use synonyms
 to face financial hardships.
People
Use synonyms
 often exhaust their savings or take
loans
Use synonyms
. In both of these
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 their future can become uncertain especially if they do not have any savings left to deal with any financial problems or they are unable to repay their
loans
Use synonyms
, both of which can cause
bankcrupcy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 and
unnecessarily
Change the word
unnecessary
show examples
 stress. In conclusion, advertisements and the ability to
borrowing
Wrong verb form
borrow
show examples
 money from banks are the main factors which are responsible for making
people
Use synonyms
 spendthrift. I think
this
Linking Words
 behaviour can cause unnecessary stress and financial troubles, so
people
Use synonyms
 should always think before they buy any product.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points and make them stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one idea and flows logically to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Double-check for spelling and grammar errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
You identified important reasons for the behavior of spending beyond means.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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