IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can'f afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

A certain
numbers
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number
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 of
member
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members
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society are or get into
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
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,
due to
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 unmindful spending on
things
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 that are not necessary and expensive. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the factors that
causes
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cause
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this
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and provide insights on what
measure
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measures
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 to be taken to
hel
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help
[
people
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 avoid
this
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 kind of dilemma.
To begin
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 with, one factor is the lack of financial discipline. Some
people
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 have
this
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 certain mindset that they would come up
a
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with a
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thought of reward justice. To elaborate
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this
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on this
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,
people
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 think that after a stressful week of
work
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work,
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 they deserve a reward, so they would impulsively order something online of
things
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 they want and pay with their wage. To prevent
this
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 from happening, they should try to invest the
money
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 first on
low risk
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low-risk
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 assets, which would give them an opportunity to double their
money
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. By
then
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, you can spend your
money
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 on
things
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 and still have enough
money
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 to save.
Additionally
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, another reason is the easy access
of
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to
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 ordering
things
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 online. In
this
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 day
an
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and
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 age, all the
things
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 that a person needs can be bought online. May it be
a
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apply
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food, a drink or even
things
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 for leisure activity.
Furthermore
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, there are apps that
provides
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provide
show examples
 financing with a low interest to order
things
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 online, which
people
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uses
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use
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 without reading the terms and agreement of that particular app.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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 assume that
this
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 is
way
Add an article
the way
a way
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that is
Linking Words
 more convenient for them. To solve
this
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, before using these providers they should study it first. In conclusion,
people
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 get into certain debts
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of financial discipline and the easy
accesibilties
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accessibility
 of
things
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 online. To avoid
this
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,
people
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 should start learning to control themselves , practice discipline, and prioritise their needs, so that, they would not get into
this
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 kind of situation.

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task achievement
Improve your introduction and conclusion. Make sure they clearly summarize your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have identified some important reasons for debt, such as lack of financial discipline and easy access to online shopping.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Conform
  • Societal influence
  • Financial literacy
  • Budgeting
  • Interest rates
  • Credit management
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Marketing strategies
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional spending
  • Cope with stress
  • Availability of credit
  • Buy-now-pay-later schemes
  • Cycle of spending
What to do next:
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