IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that children should be taught how to manage money at school. Others think this is the responsibility of parents. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that
children
Use synonyms
 must
be learn
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 how to manage
money
Use synonyms
 at school,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 do not have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to teach that subject.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it is important
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 understand how to use
money
Use synonyms
 wisely and prepare
children
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age to build their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management. Many people argue that academic
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 should play an important role in teaching
money
Use synonyms
 management. It is part of crucial life skill for
children
Use synonyms
 to understand how to use
money
Use synonyms
 wisely.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 with
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 about
money
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to prevent
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from debt and bad
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 useless things.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 about
money
Use synonyms
 should be the responsibility of
parents
Use synonyms
 rather than schools. They argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 can understand about their
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 could
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 how to spend
money
Use synonyms
 wisely when they go together to shopping or for
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
.
Children
Use synonyms
 can
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 a good habit when they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 imitate
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 habit
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people think that
money
Use synonyms
 management should be taught at school, others believe
parents
Use synonyms
 must have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to help
children
Use synonyms
 understand how to use
money
Use synonyms
 wisely. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools can create
a collaborative actions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a collaborative action
collaborative actions
show examples
 to make
children
Use synonyms
 grow with a better perspective about
money
Use synonyms
. It gives them
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
understand
Fix the infinitive
to understand
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial literacy
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 an early age.

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grammar
Make sure to use proper grammar. For example, "children must be learn" should be "children must learn."
content
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying 'children with knowledge about money,' give a clear example of a specific situation.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This helps with the flow of your writing, such as 'for example,' 'however,' and 'on the other hand.'
content
You have presented both views clearly, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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