IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games waste their time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of computer games? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that playing video
games
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 can teach the young good skills,
while
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 others believe that playing computer
games
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 may consume their time even using tablets or mobiles. I totally agree that
this
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 is not good for the young and I will discuss
this
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 in my essay before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, there are many benefits from playing electronic
games
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,
for example
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, making the person more creative, to clarify, playing
games
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 makes young people think more and more about solving the
games
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, which makes their brains work smartly.
In addition
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, they can participate in many championships and win prizes.
On the other hand
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, spending too much time using the computer or
laptops
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laptop
show examples
for playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
games
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 can lead to some health problems. to justify, many gamers have back pain in their necks, one more issue is their eyes are
also
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 affected by looking at them too many
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
to the screens. From my point of view, playing
games
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 using computers by youngs must be under the supervision of adults or parents. From my own experience, it is better to allow the younger generation to use computers not more than three hours per day on trusted websites so they can gain knowledge.
To sum up
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, it is not hard to say that playing electronic
games
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 has benefits and drawbacks which can affect young people positively and negatively, and the best way is to supervise them through adults by allowing them to use electronic devices in something that can improve their skills.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer introduction stating both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your argument and support your points.
task achievement
You addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and presents a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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