IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, the average age at which people have children is increasing. Some people think that this trend has a negative impact on families and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, the issue of giving
birth
Use synonyms
 an age has become highly controversial. There are those who say that having
children
Use synonyms
older
Change preposition
of older
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 exerts a negative influence on the
contury
Correct your spelling
country
 and families
however
Linking Words
, others believe that older
parents
Use synonyms
 have a lot of
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 things. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 and provide my
overall
Linking Words
 opinion. On the one hand, one major drawback of older
parents
Use synonyms
 is that it can contribute to reducing
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 rate and
taxpates
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
orlder
Correct your spelling
older
 people are more likely to have
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems.
In addition
Linking Words
, older
parents
Use synonyms
 have to prepare for
retirements
Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
show examples
while
Linking Words
 paying
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's education , which
causes
Verb problem
puts
show examples
them
to
Change preposition
under
show examples
 financial pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the large age gap between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them communication
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one major
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive effect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 becoming
parents
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 at an older is that they can devote their time and
energe
Correct your spelling
energy
 to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 themself
such
Linking Words
 as learning new skills or gaining investment methods , helping them make money well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, older
parents
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 are more likely to become mature, encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
sense of belonging and comfort. In conclusion, it is clear
this
Linking Words
 is a topic which is very relevant to modern society.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
haveing
Correct your spelling
having
show examples
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
 at
an older ages
Correct the article-noun agreement
an older age
older ages
show examples
 enables individuals to get a lot of
chace
Correct your spelling
chances
 to improve themself, it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 serious problem
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
contury
Correct your spelling
country
such
Linking Words
 as reducing taxpayers and
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 rate.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
 have to prevent late
birth
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps readers understand your position better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition' to connect your ideas. This makes the essay flow better.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to back up your points. For instance, explain how older parents might help their children in concrete ways.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. There are several spelling mistakes and unclear phrases that make it hard to understand your ideas.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.
task achievement
You address a topic that is relevant to many people today, which makes your essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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