IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

schooling
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the world today put a heavy weight on adolescents to reach
goals
Correct pronoun usage
their goals
show examples
. The
non related
Add a hyphen
non-related
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 some think is irrelative and will not be helpful for youngsters, others believe it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
mandatory for them for various reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly approves
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the first opinion for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 good causes mentioned below. First and foremost, teaching young pupils ideas about cooking and physical education
for instance
Linking Words
 would be unreasonable thoughts and only for some
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
 agenda and it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pointless in today's life not to
mentioned
Change the form of the verb
mention
show examples
 being irrelevant. A study published in TODAY SCHOOL Magazine shows 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents think their children dislike
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
. Additional reasons to be considered , teachers find it a burden to transform the useless details to the students. These types of
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be for someone who really wants to be specialized
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field.
Last
Linking Words
 week some local academic professor took
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a live TV show called "The Morning" and talked about
this
Linking Words
 matter actually, to
summarizes
Wrong verb form
summarise
show examples
 what he said, he believes it is a waste of everyone's time, " Looking
what
Change preposition
at what
show examples
 we are witnessing in college a small percentage of student thinking of these kinds of fields" in conclusion, non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are useless for young pupils and their teachers. studies and
preveous
Correct your spelling
previous
 experiences show what a complete waste of time and irrelevance
this
Linking Words
 is. and the difficulty parents are having with their children. I hope
this
Linking Words
 piece
was enlightening
Wrong verb form
enlightens
show examples
 people on the subject .

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Task Response
Your introduction is not clear. Try to restate the question and show your position more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs need clearer main ideas. Each paragraph should have one clear point backed up by reasons or examples.
Task Response
Some of your examples are vague. Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your grammar and sentence structure need attention. Try to use simpler sentences to express your ideas clearly.
Task Response
You have a clear opinion about the topic, which is good!
Task Response
You attempt to provide reasons for your opinion, which helps to build your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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