IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, the
development
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 of
science
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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influented
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influenced
 human
society
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.
While
Linking Words
 many
people
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 believe that improving
people
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's
lives
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 is the primary
aim
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 of
science
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, I would say protecting the
environment
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 and exploring the
universe
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 are
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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important
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aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
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 of
science
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. On the one hand, enhancing our life quality not only can make a stable
society
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 but
also
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 can motivate the
development
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 of
science
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.
Firstly
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, it can be argued that improving
people
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's
lives
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 is an effective way to
let
Verb problem
make
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 our
society
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 more stable. When
science
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improve
Change the verb form
improves
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people
Use synonyms
's
lives
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 there may be less crime.
For instance
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, because of the agricultural technology
developing
Verb problem
apply
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, it's easier to have food than before, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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people
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 don't need to steal to get food.
Conversely
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, the
development
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 of
people
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's
lives
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also
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 can motivate the
development
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 of
science
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. Lots of technologies can
decline
Verb problem
decrease
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 the cost in some fields,
for example
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,
engeneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 technology
displace
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displaces
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 the workers which
declines
Verb problem
decreases
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 the cost of building
constructions
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construction
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. In
this
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 case,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can reallocate
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 financial
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 to
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science
Replace the word
scientific
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 discovery.
However
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,
science
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also
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 has the
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 aims to protect the
environment
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 and explore the
universe
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.
Firstly
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, some new technologies have a great effect on making a more sustainable
society
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,which is important for human's future
development
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.
For example
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, more and more clean
energy
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such
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 as nuclear
energy
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 and solar
energy
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 displaced
the
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apply
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traditional
energy
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, which
emit
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emits
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 less carbon
dioxyde
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dioxide
 and
also
Linking Words
smooth
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smooths
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 the
energy
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 shortage, so that
human
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humans
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 can keep a livable
environment
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.
Furthermore
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, astronomic
science
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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human
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humans
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 explore the
universe
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further
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. In
this
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 way,
people
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 can know more about their
home
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homes
show examples
, and it can help us to find new resources or another livable planet, which is
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 for the progress of mankind. In conclusion, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 improving
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is an important
aim
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 of
science
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, its
aim
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also
Linking Words
 lies in protecting the
environment
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 and exploring the
universe
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, which is
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 for human's future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph has a clear main idea and that it connects well to the overall argument.
task achievement
Use clear examples to support each point you make. Try to explain how they relate to your main argument.
language use
Work on grammar and spelling to improve clarity. Incorrect words can confuse your message.
task achievement
You have provided a range of ideas related to the topic, which shows good understanding of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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