IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society

Thank
Correct subject-verb agreement
Thanks
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 to the rapid advancement of technologies, countless
of
Change preposition
apply
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robots
Use synonyms
 and artificial intelligence (AI) are created and applied in many industries.
This
Linking Words
 trend is primarily driven by the need for productivity, accuracy and cost reduction. Much has been said about some benefits to
this
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 trend, I strongly believe the
overall
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 impact on society may be more negative than positive.
To begin
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 with, one primary reason for the increasing use of AI and
robots
Use synonyms
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is budget and profitmaking. Companies
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
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 higher efficiency
along with
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 minimalized costs.
Consequently
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, advanced technology appears to be more
favorable
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favourable
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 to organizations as compared to human
labor
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labour
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, since
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the machine
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machine
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machines
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 can operate around the clock without fatigue and errors. Not only manual tasks, in the recent year,
the digital innovation's ability range has
Add the word(s)
but the digital innovation's ability range has also
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 been expanded to customer service,
logistic
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logistics
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 and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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. Despite the aforementioned advantages, the widespread replacement of employees by machines
raise
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raises
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 an immense concern. One of the most significant
issue
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issues
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 is unemployment. As a matter of fact, over 20% of American workers
had been
Wrong verb form
were
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 terminated
last
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 year
due to
Linking Words
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 appliances at
workplace
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the workplace
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,
contributed
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contributing
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 to a tremendous rise in
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 rate. If the digital replacement continues in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term, it will surely
has
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have
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detrimental
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a detrimental
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 effect on a nation's economy and gaps among social
class
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classes
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.
to
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apply
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In addition
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, businesses tend to ignore a paramount factor: human interaction and empathy, which can only be performed best by real people and can not
found
Add a missing verb
be found
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 in
robots
Use synonyms
.
This
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 element plays a vital key in certain
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
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,
such
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 as healthcare and education. In conclusion,
although
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 the development of
robots
Use synonyms
 and AI offers some economic and practical benefits, I believe that it
also
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 poses a threat to social stability and human value.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend should be approached with caution and balance.

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task achievement
Try to make your main points clearer and more specific. Each point should relate directly to your argument about the impact of technology on society.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a stronger connection between your paragraphs. Use linking words to guide the reader and show how each point relates to the main idea.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific sectors where human jobs are affected by AI.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides reasons for your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Cost-effective
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancements
  • Job displacement
  • Economic disparity
  • Dependency
  • Cyber-attacks
  • Ethical concerns
  • Moral questions
  • Standard of living
  • Income gap
  • Widespread automation
What to do next:
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