IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Governments should spend money on public services rather than the arts. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, the issue has become highly controversial. There are those who say that investing in public
services
Use synonyms
 exerts a positive influence on the country
however
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, others believe that it should not. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
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arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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 and provide my
overall
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 opinion. On the one hand, some people believe that investing in public
services
Use synonyms
 enhances
the
Correct article usage
apply
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national competitiveness in the long run.
In particular
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, supporting education enables students to learn critical thinking and acquire useful skills for the real workforce, which contributes to the country’s development.
Secondly
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, providing quality healthcare
services
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 prevents people from developing serious diseases, helping citizens work productively and enabling the government to save significant medical and welfare costs.
Finally
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, public
services
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 encourage all people to improve
quality
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their quality
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 of life regardless of income level.
On the other hand
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, others think that governments should support arts because
it
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they
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plays
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play
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 a key role in improving people’s happiness and a sense of relaxation.
Moreover
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, supporting arts
such
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 as music and
museum
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museums
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 can stimulate the local economy. These industries can attract foreign
traveler
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travelers
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.
Finally
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, arts preserve the country’s identity and unique culture. In conclusion, I believe that governments have to support public
services
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 because it helps all-class individuals improve their quality of life, allowing the country to develop in the long run.

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task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas further with more specific examples. For instance, you could provide a specific example of a public service that has improved people's lives.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraphs clear and logical. You can add linking words to connect your ideas better, making your points flow.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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