IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Debts
Use synonyms
, no matter how
society's
Change the noun form
societies
society
show examples
 shows a huge development,
debts
Use synonyms
 will always be part of it. The problem here is
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 the debt
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 huge or just a small amount that anyone can handle, and the reasons for people taking
Use synonyms
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
show examples
 and the solution for it. Individuals sometimes
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 the need
of taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 a debt to cover the necessary expenses ,
For example
Linking Words
, covering the house mortgage or buying a house.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 some people especially the new generations started taking
Use synonyms
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
show examples
 for things they don't need, they just want to prove to their peers they can have the exact stuff they do.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Solving a problem like
debts
Use synonyms
 is actually very easy . The solution is simply making young people work , When I say work it doesn't necessarily
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 forcing children to find a job, to
this
Linking Words
kinda of
Remove the extra word
kinda
kind of
show examples
 problem parents should not give the child everything they want without knowing why they want to buy it .
Debts
Use synonyms
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 predominantly from lack of responsibility
due to
Linking Words
 being given things the child doesn't need,
For instance
Linking Words
, One of your children comes to you and
cry
Correct subject-verb agreement
cries
show examples
 because he wants the same thing his friend has , Not because he needs it,
Wich
Correct your spelling
Which
show examples
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their adolescents and adulthood buy lack of responsibility and depending on their parents.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I'm not saying we should treat these kids by depriving them of toys or
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
any kind of stuff a kid would love to play with, I'm just pointing out how much is it important to teach them about how
speniding
Correct your spelling
spending
 habits can affect them and if they go
this
Linking Words
 way they will be stuck with paying
debts
Use synonyms
 for the rest of their lives.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main ideas and support them with examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using linking words. This will help the reader understand your message better.
coherence and cohesion
Work on using correct spelling and grammar to make your message clearer. Proofreading your writing can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
You identified important reasons for debt and suggested a practical solution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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