IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? What is the solution?

It is argued that rich
countries
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 should provide the basic human needs for
people
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 in the poor states in the case of natural crises.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because they have
amoral
Add an article
an amoral
the amoral
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 obligation to do so and they can afford to help those in need. On the one hand,
countries
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 with strong positions are morally responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
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 supporting poor
countries
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’ citizens and
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
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 their essential living requirements in case of
emergency
Change the noun form
emergencies
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such
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 as earthquakes and floods.
People
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 in these areas need food and water to survive.
For example
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, the earthquake that happened in Jordan
few
Correct article usage
a few
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year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 in1990
cased
Correct your spelling
caused
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 many
people
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 to lose their suffer from hunger and dehydration.
Moreover
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, Jordan as a developing country could not secure the minimum human needs like bread and clean water.
However
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, the supplies Jordan received at that time from Japan saved many souls. I believe that the moral commitment between
countries
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 is a fundamental logistic for
united
Correct article usage
the united
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 world.
On the other hand
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, a country’s strong financial resources may ease the support for poor
countries
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.
Instead
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 of sending them what they need which may take a lot of time, wealthy
countries
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 can transfer money and governments in need states can manage to get the basic living essentials from
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
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countries
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.
For instance
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, China has sent
a
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apply
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financial aid to the Jordanian government, which helped them not only to purchase food and water for
people
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 to provide milk for infants. In my view, rich
countries
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 can save many
people
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 in the world because they can afford financial help. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
countries
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 with strong financial resources should help
people
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 in poor
countries
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 to meet their basic needs in case of natural disasters
due to
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 their strong position and the ability to financial support.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are more clearly separated and focused on one point each. This will help your readers follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to give more details in your examples and explain them better to make your points stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss. This makes it easier for your readers to know what to expect.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that answers the question throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples helps to support your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social development
  • Peer influence
  • Educational demands
  • After-school activities
  • Parental engagement
  • Family bonding
  • Generation gap
  • Technological advancements
  • Virtual interaction
  • Work commitments
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Community programs
  • Mutual interests
  • Technology-free zones
What to do next:
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