IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? What is the solution?

It is argued that rich
countries
Use synonyms
 should provide the basic human needs for
people
Use synonyms
 in the poor states in the case of natural crises.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because they have
amoral
Add an article
an amoral
the amoral
show examples
 obligation to do so and they can afford to help those in need. On the one hand,
countries
Use synonyms
 with strong positions are morally responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 supporting poor
countries
Use synonyms
’ citizens and
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 their essential living requirements in case of
emergency
Change the noun form
emergencies
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as earthquakes and floods.
People
Use synonyms
 in these areas need food and water to survive.
For example
Linking Words
, the earthquake that happened in Jordan
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 in1990
cased
Correct your spelling
caused
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 to lose their suffer from hunger and dehydration.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Jordan as a developing country could not secure the minimum human needs like bread and clean water.
However
Linking Words
, the supplies Jordan received at that time from Japan saved many souls. I believe that the moral commitment between
countries
Use synonyms
 is a fundamental logistic for
united
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
 world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a country’s strong financial resources may ease the support for poor
countries
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of sending them what they need which may take a lot of time, wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 can transfer money and governments in need states can manage to get the basic living essentials from
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, China has sent
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial aid to the Jordanian government, which helped them not only to purchase food and water for
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to provide milk for infants. In my view, rich
countries
Use synonyms
 can save many
people
Use synonyms
 in the world because they can afford financial help. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
countries
Use synonyms
 with strong financial resources should help
people
Use synonyms
 in poor
countries
Use synonyms
 to meet their basic needs in case of natural disasters
due to
Linking Words
 their strong position and the ability to financial support.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are more clearly separated and focused on one point each. This will help your readers follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to give more details in your examples and explain them better to make your points stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss. This makes it easier for your readers to know what to expect.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that answers the question throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples helps to support your points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social development
  • Peer influence
  • Educational demands
  • After-school activities
  • Parental engagement
  • Family bonding
  • Generation gap
  • Technological advancements
  • Virtual interaction
  • Work commitments
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Community programs
  • Mutual interests
  • Technology-free zones
What to do next:
Look at other essays: