IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

Nowadays, the issue of increasing working hours has been widely discussed worldwide.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to analyze and examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 and
effects
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 of long working hours. On the one hand, spending a lot of
time
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 at
work
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 has numerous causes.
To begin
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, the number of
employees
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 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined in some countries ,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 one worker can do multiple duties ,
hence
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 he will take a
lot
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lot of
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time
Use synonyms
 at
work
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.
For example
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, In the Middle East, the total number of
employees
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 in medical fields
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 less than needed , so they have
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 working
time
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 compared to
other
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others
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.
In addition
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, the key
reasons
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reason
show examples
 is financial support. Individuals need to
work
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eventhough
Correct your spelling
even
if
Correct word choice
though
show examples
 the
work
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 is hard and long because they require money to provide their essential needs for their families.
Although
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this
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 trend may benefit the
employees
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 by getting more experience and learning new techniques,
but
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apply
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the negative
effects
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 are more predominant.
First,
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the
employees
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 lack
of
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apply
show examples
enjoyable and relaxed
time
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 with their families which
result
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results
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 in increasing mental health
issue
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issues
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 because of heavy pressure at
work
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.
Also
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, it will weaken the social relationship because worker do not have enough
time
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 to meet their friends.
Moreover
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, it might increase physical health issues because some working natures can cause illnesses.
For instance
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, dentists always suffer from back disease because their working nature can affect their back and neck negatively. In my opinion, I believe that spending
long
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a long
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time
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 at
work
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 has
double sided
Add a hyphen
double-sided
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effects
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 ,but the negative
effects
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
positives
Change the noun form
positive
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effects
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 because people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more stress and anxiety
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also
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and also
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 people might suffer from diseases. In conclusion, working is essential for all people in the world, but it should balance with life ,
thus
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 working hours should be reduced in some countries. I encourage all governments to support their workers and help them rather than complicate their
life
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lives
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are well-organized. Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your arguments. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'however', 'for example', 'firstly') to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You have identified key reasons for long working hours, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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