IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourist or visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the advantages and disadvantages for tourist who visit such places?

Tourist attractions that are hard to reach become more popular nowadays.
This
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 phenomenon has both benefits and drawbacks to visitors.
This
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 essay will explain the benefits and the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, experiencing
extraordinary
Correct article usage
an extraordinary
show examples
 journey is one of the advantages. Some people tend to visit some
places
Use synonyms
 that are almost unreachable because they find it as a once-in-a-lifetime journey. When they reach the site, they will feel satisfied and have a good memory that they can share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. Another reason is they can be braver than before, it is because they push their limit. To take an example, Ramon J Tungka,
Add an article
a traveler
the traveler
show examples
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
 from Indonesia said that when he reached
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
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 of Everest mountain, he was braver than used to
because
Add a missing verb
be because
show examples
 he confronted all the problems that he was fear of before.
On the other hand
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, visiting
places
Use synonyms
 that are difficult to reach not only has advantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 disadvantages for the visitor itself. The first drawback is finances. Going to extreme
places
Use synonyms
 usually means spending a lot of money for paying the accommodation and transportation or purchasing well-known stuff that can save their life on the site. Another drawback is putting their life into threatening adventure.
This
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 could bring more chances for visitors to gain injury when they are doing
this
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 kind of journey.
Mahatir
Correct your spelling
Mahathir
 Muharram,
Add an article
a traveler
the traveler
show examples
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
 from Malaysia, suffered from
hypotermia
Correct your spelling
hypothermia
 when he visited
Antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
 and it put him in
dead
Add an article
a dead
the dead
show examples
 or alive condition which caused he had to have surgery on his finger because of
frozen
Correct article usage
a frozen
show examples
 bite, for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example. As I have mentioned above, visitors who go to extreme
places
Use synonyms
 are not only getting some benefits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 drawbacks. Satisfied and more confident are the examples of the advantages,
while
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 spending a lot of money and suffering from injury are the demerits.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support it. Each point should connect well to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by summarizing the main points better. This helps the reader understand your overall message.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or details to support your points. This will make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
You have clear points about the advantages and disadvantages of visiting difficult places.
task achievement
Your writing presents a balanced view of the topic, with both positive and negative aspects discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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